a welcome (and an introduction): part two

Welcome back to Our Blessed Life: With Curls!

Just to keep things cute, I'll start with a few photos of my girl Hope...

And just so you don't think I'm just showing off my cute kid (well, maybe a little!), these photos have a purpose so stay with me here.

Now, when I look at my daughter when her hair is in this free state (free hair, loose, Afro, whatever you want to call it) I am struck by how beautiful and healthy her curls are.  What surprises me, though, is how often other parents experience negative comments from others when their children wear their hair free.  (Read here and here if you want to hear more about some parents' experiences.)  We have rarely experienced this, in fact quite the opposite!  Hope very often receives positive attention for her hair, and seems to get quite a nice reaction from people when her hair is free.  That's not to say we haven't received negative comments, but that doesn't seem to be the most common response for us.

Because of her schedule, which includes preschool and weekly swimming lessons in a chlorinated pool, we don't style her hair in this way too often.  We favor more protective styles much of the time, but I am mindful of planning for times for Hope to wear her hair free.  I plan for those times because I want Hope to celebrate and love her hair.  This mindset for me is really at the heart of why caring for Hope's hair well is so important to me.  It's not for compliments from others, it's not so that other people will notice or think her hair looks nice, it's also not because I'm expected to do it (as a white mom of a black child, I'm aware that people would notice if I wasn't doing a good job caring for her hair, but even that awareness is not why I care about  Hope's hair care).  The reason caring for Hope's hair well matters to me is because I want to positively contribute to her feelings about her hair and herself.  Ask any black woman you know if her hair matters or affects her self image (or if it doesn't now, ask her if it mattered to her growing up), and chances are she'll tell you that hair matters.  Is Hope's hair our entire life?  Absolutely not.  But I do realize that I'm helping shape her positive self image by the ways I speak about her hair.  And I know I'm doing right by my daughter not by how her hair looks, but by how she feels about it.  She loves it!

Recently, though, Hope and I were talking to a young friend of hers, a classmate who is also 4 years old.  She asked me if Hope wears an Afro (Hope's hair was styled at the time in mini box braids), so I answered that yes, she does.  I asked the girl if she would like to see a picture, and showed her one of the photos in this post.  I made a positive comment to the young girl about Hope's Afro, and I mentioned how much Hope likes her Afro and her curly hair.  This little girl, at 4 years old, said "I don't like my Afro.  I don't want curly hair."  She went on to say that she wanted to have straight hair so that her hair would be "strong and beautiful."  I found her comments so sad, and I was reminded yet again that our little girls need to be celebrated and built up.

And I guess that moment is the moment this blog was born.  Not because I believe any photos, tutorials, or writings I may share here will change every little girl's opinion of her hair, not because I believe myself to be an expert in hair care, but really as a gift to my daughter.  See, I know how she feels about her hair now, and I also know that the world is constantly at work to tell our curly, kinky-haired daughters that straight is "strong and beautiful."  In creating this blog space, I will be building a hair history of sorts for Hope, a place she and I can visit together to appreciate her beautiful hair.  And hopefully in the process, I can help to protect Hope's positive self-image and her feelings about her hair.

You are welcome to join us as we take this journey!

Blessings,

Nikki